When you shop Menard's....

You're hearing that ridiculous commercial jingle in your head now, right? "Save big money at Menaaaaaard's!"

Now I have to admit, having become a homeowner just recently, that my husband and I will be spending probably every weekend arguing in the aisles of this place. (There's this episode of King of the Hill...or maybe it was Beavis & Butthead...but anyway it was this animated show where an animated character with the voice of Hank Hill was wandering around a Home-Depot-style store called "Home Labyrinth." Until now, I didn't truly feel his pain.)

I'd post a picture of the house, and it pains me to say this, but to be honest I'm a blog newbie and I have no idea how to do it. We should have known that a real estate listing that used the phrase "well-kept manufactured home" really meant, "home with multiple abandoned home improvement projects going on." Every time we open a door, we come face to face with another half-finished project.

For example, in the living room, three of the four main walls are covered in circa-1982 hideous brown paneling. One wall, however, has had white wallboard nailed to it and a nice window installed. Another curious feature of the living room (and most of the other rooms) is that almost all of the electrical outlets are installed upside-down, with that annoying third prong at the top instead of the bottom.

Same in the bathroom...new sheets of vinyl (designed, of course, to LOOK like tile) have been nailed to the walls, but they don't line up exactly right in most places. We also noticed that one wall wasn't exactly nailed down yet. Like the aspiring Bob Vila who previously owned the place ran out of nails right before attaching that one piece...so he solved the problem by propping the sheet of "tile" against the wall. I'm figuring he just couldn't stomach another trip to the home-improvement center.

So there are a LOT of trips to Menard's, Lowe's, Home Depot, and any other place that sells fixtures, flooring, and tools in our future. And where there's home improvement, there's comedy....

More house-related anecdotes as they roll in....

How to get arrested...

If you are not a fan of FOX's beleaguered show Arrested Development...oh, just become one. One of the things that's been annoying me lately is the fact that this show is in immediate danger of going off the air, and shows like Wife Swap somehow persist.

To do your part, visit www.getarrested.com and sign the petition.

(Now!)